What If Your Commander Was Your Dad?
by poopertrooper
Summary: Two-shot for awesomenaruto! Roy adopts Ed because he was reckless...what will happen between them? NOT YAOI! Parental RoyxEd! Rated T to be safe.
1. And It Begins

_Here is __**awsomenaruto**__'s two-shot...the first part. I hope you like this. I put wayyy too much blood and guts into this to have people not like it. So please enjoy this Parental!RoyxEd ficcy! _

_Started Writing: June 7th, 2011_

_Started Typing: June 22nd, 2011_

_..._

_**What If Your Commander Was Your Dad? **_

_**Part One Of Two**_

_**For awsomenaruto**_

_**By Chibi Allen Walker The Awsome**_

One day, a nice warm July day, some bad things happened. At least, they were bad for the FullMetal Alchemist, Edward Elric.

It all began when Ed returned to Eastern Command from a successful mission. But the thing was, he had almost been killed, because a land mine had exploded seconds after he stepped on it, then he almost drank some dangerous poison, and finally, he had almost been defeated in a battle by an alchemist of higher power. Ed knew Roy was going to be _so_ mad.

As he flashed the sliver watch to the guards who kept watch at the Command enterance, he could imagine the long, extremly boring lecture he was going to get. He started sweating buckets by the time he got towards where Mustang's team worked, and was glad Alphonse wasen't there, but back at Resembool with Winry.

To prolong the time Roy would have to wait, he ran the other direction to the men's restroom, but was stopped by a comment.

"Hey, aren't you too short to use the urinal?"

He flashed around, and grabbed the officer by the collor of his uniform and punched his face swiftly.

"THAT SHOULD TEACH YOU NOT TO MESS WITH ME!" he yelled into the man's face, and walked off, letting the dazed mand slide down the hallway wall.

Once in the bathroom, he hid in one of the stalls, trying to think of a proper excuse to his injuries. But after ten minutes, nothing came to mind which left him frustrated.

Suddenly, the stall door opened. The lock had been picked by a cirtain Colonel. He wore a expression that seemed uninviting to Ed, and he gulped.

"Uhh...It's a good thing you didn't come in thirty seconds ago..."

Ed smiled nervously with eyes showing fake puzzlement. Obviously, Mustang didn't buy it. He abruptly grabbed Edward by the shirt, and began to drag him to his office. And Ed began to struggle with him.

During the battle, Edward's head slipped into his shirt, and he managed to get all of his top half out, and he fled to the mess hall.

"FULLMETAL! YOU GET BACK HERE!" Roy yelled, going after him.

Ed opened the heavy doors of the mess hall just as Mustang was catching up to him, and the young alchemist leaped onto a table, disturbing plenty of the lunches. He continued jumping tables. being chased by Mustang, until he slipped on a plate of bacon. He flew into the air, spun a sideways three hundred sixty degrees, and landed into Roy's strong arms, still alive.

The blond alchemist's eyes' widened when he realized what had happened, and tried to wriggle himself out of Roy's arms, only to get the hold tightened.

"Come on, to my office, FullMetal." Roy said bluntly, beginning to carry Ed to his office.

Ed moaned in displeasure as they got to the dreaded hallway, and even grumbled as they went into the area where Roy's team worked. He swore he heard Havoc snicker...Ohhh! He'd get his revenge!

When they actually got inside the private part of the office, where Roy signed his papers, Ed was put in one of the hard chairs in front of the desk. And Roy had locked the door so Ed couldn't escape. This had to be bad. And he was still shirtless!

Roy walked over to his desk, and pulled out some fancy-looking papers. And pushed them in Ed's face. Ed saw that the top read: ADOPTION PAPERS. He gagged, and shut his eyes hard.

"I know, FullMetal, I feel that way about this as well, but it has to be done," Roy sighed. "I've given you plenty of chances to go unparented through life in the military. But you've been fooling around far too long. So now I have to go to these measures."

"You don't have to! Who forced you?" Ed snapped.

"You did, FullMetal. And also Hawkeye a little bit."

I'm not signing it! No matter if you try to put me in court for disobaying orders!"

"Oh, you don't have to. You've already done just that. So did Alphonse, but he won't be invovled. He just signed his consent on me taking care of _you_ only."

"What? When?" Ed asked, a look of shock painting his face.

"You signed it shortly after you joined the military, thinking it was merely a piece of useless paperwork. Now all that it needs is _my_ signature. And then you will be officially my only son."

"As if you haven't already knocked up enough single women already!"

"FullMetal," Roy growled, eye twitching. "Don't even go there."

Edward huffed and turned away as Roy went over to his desk, and quickly signed the paper. The Colonel then put it into his own fax machine, sending it to Amestrian Children's Welfare Agency. A few moments later, a letter of approval was sent. Edward Elric was no more. He was now Edward Elric Mustang, son of The Flame Alchemist.

When Ed turned around and found it out, he yelled in shock, and dug his face into the plastic of the chair, letting it muffle the yell.

Roy just stood there and let it pass, then he told Ed that he was taking early leave, so he could get him ready to live in the Mustang residence. Ed just groaned, and followed Roy out to his nice black truck. The teen was told to ride in the back, and Ed didn't object as he sqeezed through the front to get there.

"Okay, Ed. Where should we go first to get your stuff? Or are you going to reticent and let me choose?" Roy asked, starting the car up.

"SUPAHMART." Ed mumbled. (**A/N: It's supposed to be in caps.**)

"Hold on, could you repeat that?"

"I said freaking _SUPAHMART!_"

"Okay, no need to yell, but don't mumble to me."

As Roy drove to SUPAHMART, Ed gritted his teeth. This was not going to be _any_ fun.

(Part 2 of Part 1)

After the trip to SUPAHMART, and also after Ed's room was set up, he was in is room awaiting Roy to finish making dinner. But...He was extremly bored. And if the FullMetal Alchemist is bored, you're looking at troble.

He looked around the room, and saw something that he could mess with. It was a box filled with alchemy texts that Roy had provided for him. He got off the bed, and took all the books out of the chest. Then he drew a transmutation circle around it, and pressed his hands onto it, activating the transmutation, and he watched it turn into a small bookself that would still fit all the books. But sadly, he was caught by Roy just as he finished the transmutation.

"Edward? What did you just do?" Roy asked, standing at the door, wearing a very embrassing apron.

"Uh, nice apron you got there Colonel." Ed replied, trying to avoid another situation.

"Don't do that 'Uh' crap again! What did you just do?"

"Fine!" Edward said, throwing his arms up in defeat. "All I did was some alchemic remodeling on the bookchest! Okay? No damage was done to it, anyways..."

"You know the rules I just told you thirty minutes ago, don't you?" Roy waited for a response, but recived nothing but a blank look. "See? I'm glad I adopted you, now I can actually get some rules into you, and you can follow them! And, for your punishment for remodeling a perfectly good chest, you'll have to go to bed thirty minutes early."

"What! What time do _I even_ go to bed normally?" Edward wailed, starting to throw a tantrum.

Ignoring Ed's wailing, Roy answered flatly. "You usually go to bed at 9:00 pm. Or at 21:00 hours if you want it in Military time."

"But Royyyyyy!" Ed cried, banging and kicking the floor, just like any other four year old would. (**A/N: Man, I think I overdid this part. :( **)

"No. You're going to bed at 8:30 weather you want to or not. But if you don't stop throwing such a childish tantrum, I'll move it to 8:00."

But Edward continued, and eventually, Mustang grabbed the 14-year old by the arms, and dragged him out into the hallway. But when Mustang let go, Ed ran off.

"NOT AGAIN, EDWARD!" Roy yelled, going in the direction Ed had ran.

Ed had taken cover in the dining room, under the dinner table, which was covered by a lovely tablecloth so noone could see him. _He shouldn't of let his mind take control of his actions like that! It made him seem so childish!_ He froze when he heard angry footsteps coming in the rom, and Roy mumbling that Ed could hide for all he cared, because he'd have to come out eventually.

_Yeah, right!_ Edward thought. _I can hide forever if I have to!_

But it was a good four hours before it sounded like Mustang had even gone to bed. So once he made sure he heard nothing, he lifted the tablecloth so he could crawl out, which he did. Not a single light was on, and it was even new moon, so it was uberdark. And the thing was, Edward was quite scared of the dark. In fact, he really wanted to get in the bed already and fall asleep, but could he cope in his own room, alone? He was gonna find out.

The futher in the hallway he got, the more he thought there were monsters. He shivered uncomfortably, and opened the door to his bedroom, to find it empty of persons. He turned on a small lamp next to his bed and let his eyes adjust to the light before getting into his drawers, only to find footie pjs. _What kind of bastard does he think he is?_ But sadly, they all fit him.

So he sucked it up and pulled out a bright yellow one, and put it on in record time. He felt so babyish in it! He sighed quietly and climbed into his large, four-poster bed, turning off the light, leaving him in the pitch-dark of nighttime. But unfortunately, he couldn't sleep! _Aw, I hate this stupid darkness phobia!_ Ed thought as he got off his bed. There was only one thing he could think of at this point. He just hoped he wouldn't get in troble!

He left the room, and headed only the next door down, and was in Roy's room. He tip-toed slowly towards the king-sized bed that had Roy in its covers. When he got there, he climbed on it, and up beside him, hoping not to wake him up.

"So you finally left your hiding spot?"

Ed jumped, and went under the blankets, not wanting to get caught.

"I guess so, then. You can come out of under those blankets. You'll serve your punishment tomarrow night. Now why are you in here?"

"Uh...You promise not to laugh, kay?" Ed said sheepishly.

Ed saw Roy nod slowly, turning to face him.

"Well...I'm scared of the dark, and monsters in the dark. Please don't laugh!"

"I understand, Ed. Go ahead and make yourself comfortable, but remember, you'll have to different punishments. One for the chest, and the other for running off, okay?"

"Kay then, Roy. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, kiddo."

(To be continued in Part 2!)

...

_Wow! That took too long! Sorry for the wait! The next part shall be out soon! Still planning it. And __**Roselynn Saphira**__, if you're reading this...Your one-shot is almost done. It will be out sometime withen the next two weeks, garenteed. It will be called __**'Edward's Water Woes'**__ And is a side-story for __**'Number Thirteen' **__ taking place between chapters 1 and 2. See ya soon!_

_~Chibi-chan :D:D_


	2. Interesting Mornings

_Hello. This is moi...Gilbert Idol's Awesome Hostess. Ah...It's been so long since I've typed anything worth typing. :) This is the very long-awaited secound chapter of __**"What If Your Commander Was Your Dad"**__. After quite a few conversations with __**awesomenaruto**__, I got the last four pages done last night. Also, this will be expanded into Four or Five parts due to that I couldn't fit everything I needed into a mere two._

_Please enjoy this story. _

_P.S. For readers of __**"An Alchemist's Pride And Joy"**__, I've been typing off and on with the third chapter for about a month and a half now, and I have begun Chapter four, so hopefully everything shall be set up to chapter seven or eight by X-Mas time._

_NOW! To the story! :)_

_Started Writing: July 17th, 2011/Continued Writing Again: October 18th, 2011_

_Started Typing: October 20th, 2011_

_**What If Your Commander Was Your Dad?**_

_**Part Two Of Two (requested) of Five?**_

_**For awesomenaruto**_

_**By Gilbert Idol's Awesome Hostess**_

_Ugh...Morning already? It has to be, there's light on my eyelids. Time to get up, I suppose..._

Edward Elric, a.k.a The Fullmetal Alchemist, woke up on unfamilier territory. He knew he was in a bed, but in what room? It didn't look like his room. He tried to get his eyes to focus, but there was so much sunlight pouring in onto a mirror in front of him from a window behind him.

"Damn, what a hell of a bedroom arrangement..." he moaned, and then...He remembered the situation he was in.

And he remembered...How much much trouble he was still in with Roy. He still had to serve his punishment for running off during his awfully childish tantrum, and he'd still have to go to bed an _entire hour early!_

He slid back under the soft blue blankets and hoped that Roy haden't somehow noticed that he was awake. He sqeezed his eyes shut, and rolled onto his stomach so noone could see his face.

Meanwhile, downstairs, Roy was still preparing breakfest for both Ed and himself, and was trying to decide on a proper punishment to give Edward before they left. He wished he could just call his trusty first lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, but then surely that would mean he wasen't fit to take care of a snotty, self-centered fourteen year old boy. And said boy wasen't just your average boy, he was the youngest state alchemist.

He groaned as he put the completed bacon on two plates, and grabbed two bananas to go with out. _How was this going to work? Surely it would eventually handle itself...? And surely Edward wouldn't get into so much trouble as I've heard rumor on?_

"Oh! Why am I thinking these things? I _am_ his legal father now, so I should have a little more athority on him, right?" Roy said to himself, in an exasperated tone as he put the plates on the dining room table.

Once he filled two small glasses of OJ, he went up to his room to Edward up, if he could, anyways. When he got there, Edward was in a most akward position. Face in the pillows, halfway curled up, and his rear end was stuck up in the air.

Roy tried not to laugh, but failed as he started to snicker into his hand. He evantually stopped when Ed got into a more resonable position of sleep. Then, he snuck over to his almost lifeless form, and poked him on the back of his neck, with a lot of pressure behind it, and it got him to come alive.

"Ack! Colonel! What? What is it!" Edward was flailing his arms around, looking back and forth across the room spaztically.

It took him a minute of Roy not doing or saying anything to calm him down. He then really saw who was standing in front of hium, and what pj's he himself was wearing...Ubercraptastic. _Roy just had to see me in these...Well, he did buy them himself, so what to expect?_

"Good morning Edward. I suppose you slept well?" he paused for a moment, as if expecting an answer, but when none came, he continued, " I'm guessing you're awaiting the verdict on your crime commited last night?" Roy said plainly.

Ed blushed and turned slowly away from Roy, hoping that he haden't just heard those words coming out of the Colonel's mouth.

"That's a 'yes', then? Okay...Your punishment is to stay in your room, without your precious alchemy books, and think about what you've done until it's time to leave for work. But you'll still have breakfast with me. Now get out of my bed and get dressed."

"WHAT?" Ed turned around quickly, mouth agape." That's just plain old time out, without the chairs in corners thing!"

"I know. I figure it's better than a spanking, don't you think? Or do you have a different opinion on the matter?"

Roy had given Ed an almost threatening look when he'd said that, and Ed gulped. _Geez...Living with Colonel Bastard was something I'd hoped to never see myself do, but now, I'm living the nightmare! And to top things off...He's my damn father! This is SO gonna be hell for me..._

Edward hissed through his teeth, and clumsily crawled out of the bed, greatful that he had survived the past night, still intact...

He hesitated at the doorway, and turned to Roy, who was now fixing up the huge mass of blankets and pillows Ed had flung around in his panic.

"Hey, Colonel...Don't tell me I have the same type of dumb clothes like these pyjamas..." he said, bracing himself for one of Roy's signature smirks.

Instead, Roy laughed. "_Please!_ I'm not one to dictate you every move and diecision. I tried to match your personality in the elements of your clothes. I can only hope you appreciate it." the raven-haired man chuckled, turning away at the last part.

The blond teen cringed, wondering what he thought his 'personality' was. He continued to his medium-sized room, and caught eye with the cause of all the stuff that had been happening, the ex-bookself.

"Stupid chest." he grumbled as he reached for the doorknob to his closet, which was painted a light yellow.

When the closet was opened, he was greeted by an arry of different shirts and pants. And he grinned as he saw that the Colonel _had_ been thinking when they had been at WALMART the day before. He grabbed a tight light blue t-shirt with a dead smilely face on the front, and a pair of neon orange jeans.

Edward took a good look at himself after he put them on, and suddenly sighed, thinking of all the ways he needed to thank Roy, but would never do so. He put on a black pair of Converse shoes, and slipped on a black zip-up jacket for show.

He spun on his heels to face the door, and Roy, in that same apron from the night before. "I thought you finished breakfast? I smelled it from here." he pondered, advancing to the door.

"Had to reheat the bacon. Took you so long to wake up, the bacon got cold as stone." Roy said, putting his hands into the apron pockets.

"What's with the apron, anyways? You never told me anything about you cooking."

Roy rolled his eyes, following Edward, who had already made it into the hallway.

"Yes, I cook. _Without alchemy,_ thank you very much. I wear these aprons because Hughes gave them to me as a joke one year for Christmas."

"There's more than one?"

"Yes, Edward, there are a set of four, _all_ in pastel colors!" he threw his arms up in the air.

Before they could go on about aprons, they had entered the dining room/ Kicthen, where there was the food, set and ready to eat. Edward observed his food with a childish curiousity, and after a few seconds, looked up at Roy, who had just sat in his chair. "You cooked me foods that start with a 'B'. Why?"

"No reason at all, Ed. Now just hush and eat, unless you have something work-related to talk about." Roy said as he calmly stabbed his first piece of bacon with his fork.

The blond alchemist grumbled to himself as he pretende to shoot Roy with his new 'Banana Gun', until Roy gave a hard glare, which stopped him immeadiately. He just instead put it down on top of the orange juice glass and grabbed all four bacon strips and stuffed them in his mouth, wiggling them like he had four wavy, brown tongues. Evantually, he bit down on them, leaning his head back to let the remains go into his mouth and not the floor. It was the least he could do for his new father. Then he unpeeled the banana, and removed the tiny strands, piling them in a neat little stack on the actual peel. He shoved the banana gently into the glass of OJ, coating it in a light orange cover. Soon after, he let it drip it's juice into his mouth, and then he bit off about half of it.

"What the hell are you doing to that poor banana?" Roy asked. "It never did anything wrong, you know."

"I'm _torturing_ it, Roy. Because bananas hate oranges. So I'm making it meet up with it. Then I'm biting it at it's weakest point, the middle!" Edward explained, waving the half of banana in victory.

"And what are you gonna do with it now that you've bitten off the weak spot?" Roy inquired, starting to wonder just _how_ the hell the teen's brain worked.

"Aw, I just eat it normal! I also mix in some OJ in my mouth sometimes." Edward said, his signature grin spreading across his face.

"Okay...I'll keep that in mind next time. Now please finish eating."

Edward pouted, but continued nibbling the fruit with slowness, obviously telling that he cirtainly didn't want to be punished.

But evantually, he swallowed the last, delicous bit of the yellow fruit, and it was now time to begin the gruesome punishment.

"I suppose it's time?" Ed asked, standing up and taking his dirty dishes to the sink.

"Yeah, I just need to move the books out of your room." Roy sighed, placing his dishes next to Ed's.

"I still think this is _way_ overrated."

PART II

Once they got to Edward's room, the books were immeadiately put in Roy's bathroom, nowhere near where Ed could sneak around and get them easily.

When the last alchemy text was gone, Ed flopped onto his bed, emmiting a long groan, and then he rolled around in the bed. Roy made sure he couldn't leave the room, and then he closed the door, leaving the poor teenage alchemist in his room, moping on his four-post bed.

"What good is this supposed to do again?" Ed muttered to the cieling, closing his eyes as sunlight poured in through the window and on his face...

TO BE CONTINUED...

...

_Did you enjoy it? Leave a review. Give me suggestions. :)_

_Note, it might be awhile before I update, because I have school and a BAD case of writer's block that always comes around this time of year._

_Buh-Bye!~_

_~Chibi-Chan_

_DONT FORGET TO DO MY POLL!_


	3. AUTHOR'S NOTE, NOT AN UPDATE!

_**Author's Note! NOT AN UPDATE!**_

_**December 2nd, 2011**_

_**Hello, Dear Readers of **__"An Alchemist's Pride And Joy" __**and **__"What If Your Commander Was Your Dad?" __**!**_

_** I Need Ideas for my polt for these two stories, because I'm at this time of the year where I come across a HORRIBLE case of writer's block, and I think you've already seem its results, such as slow production, lack of time to type, etc. So I'll give you the layout of what I need for polt lines. I'll even dedicate you a oneshot or two if you help me! :)**_

_**Requirements for **__"An Alchemist's Pride And Joy"_

_** I need enough for up to four chapters, and it HAS to be X-Mas related, because I'm writing a Christmas special, that I will be posting the first part of soon. Edward is five and a half, and in kindergarten in this one.**_

_**Requirements for **__"What If Your Commander Was Your Dad?"_

_** What should happen to Edward during his punishment? Should he do something crazy, like try to escape and have more punishment? Or should he try to actually pull through it? And after that, what should happen next? I need enough to fill in the last 2-3 chapters of the story.**_

_**Thank You for taking this into consideration!**_

_**Please Review, Alert, Fave, and do my Poll on my Profile! :)**_

_**-Chibi~Chan (a.k.a. A Hot Delicous Cup Of Tea)**_


	4. Retirement Note

_A short note to all my FMA story readers and followers._

_I….Have lost all my intrest in Fullmetal Alchemist in the past six months, because Hetalia has rocked my world, and now I cannot finish any of my fanfics that I spent so much of my precious time on. And I want to give them away to a good author who will hopefully continue to write them. I'll give whoever wants the following stories all of my previous plans for them to construct a continuation with. _

_**An Alchemist's Pride And Joy**_

_**Number Thirteen**_

_So please….take my stories. I'm sorry I cannot finish these fine creations. I've just had so much go on, and all my Hetalia things backing me up as well. I'm sorry. And goodbye to Fullmetal Alchemist._

_~Chibi-Chan (aka Phoenix Amber Kirkland)_


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